Tuesday, February 24, 2015

My doctor is trying to kill me

I have been diagnosed with "cochlear hydrops," which means there's a wee bit of fluid in my inner ear  which leads to a persistent sense of "ear fullness" (i.e., how your ears feel when you ascend in altitude just before they pop) and of very mild dizziness. Since I enjoy neither of these symptoms, I am on the only known treatment (which is 40% effective, yay!), which aims to reduce said fluid by the use of diuretics, a low-sodium diet, and avoiding caffeine; this last because caffeine can reduce  the vascular flow which might enable the fluid to pass out of my inner ear.

The eyebrows of my otologist (ear doctor; I didn't know that word, either) raised noticeably when I told him I typically drink four or more cups of coffee per day; he told me to cut way down, preferrably to none. However, "the nation's top nutrition panel" "said that consuming as many as five cups of coffee each day (400 mg) is tied to several health benefits," according to the Washington Post.  Turns out that "moderate" coffee consumption is 3-5 cups, which means I am, at my most excessive, moderate. (Full disclosure: to get through presbytery meetings, I often double my consumption; however, it's church coffee, which we all know hardly even counts.)

For once, your tax dollars are spent on a good cause: vindicating my dubious lifestyle choices. Thanks, federal government!

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