Legal risk

Mrs. Curmudgeon and I are certified foster parents in Adams County, Colorado (where we reside). This is because we hope to adopt a baby girl through social services. The system has labeled us "foster-to-adopt;" this is because while, Lord willing, a baby whom we will eventually adopt will be placed in our home as soon as she enters the social services system, we will officially be her foster parents unless and, should it please God, until the parental rights of the birth parents are terminated by the courts.

At a meeting last week, a county attorney observed that people like us used to be labeled "legal risk" parents to help judges understand that children placed in our homes were not guaranteed to be taken away from their birth parents and be adopted. "Legal risk" means that, by law, we take the chance of welcoming a baby into our home only, after some period of time, to have her returned to birth parents who have proven their competency to the courts.

For obvious reasons, "foster-to-adopt" sounds much better for recruiting purposes than "legal risk." And yet, there's something profoundly right about the latter term. Parenting is risky business. It is the constant, and often realized, risk of loving a person far more than that person will ever love you in return. It is the risk of a life of sacrifice without any real reward. To be the kind of parent whose children will not be removed by social services is to risk the loss of one's self, of one's identity, for the sake of one's children.

To be a parent is to be willing to lay down your life for your children, and, in the infinite sacrifices and concessions by which we surrender our individual identities to be forever labeled in their eyes, and in the eyes of society, as, finally and ultimately, their parent, is to in a very real way lose that life. To be a parent, to be a parent properly speaking, is to take up your Cross and in imitation of your Savior to crucify self, and to have that choice overlooked and ignored. As, indeed, only Joseph of Arimathea seemed to have the wherewithal to realize a burial was necessary.

To be a parent, that is, to be a disciple of Christ, is to be at risk. As it should be.