A father's cruciform manifesto: 3

So here’s how I found my cross, only to discover I had already taken it up.

My wife and I are certified foster parents in Adams County, Colorado. The social services department has labeled us "foster-to-adopt;" this is because while we hope to adopt the baby who was placed in our home in April 2009, we are officially her foster parents unless the parental rights of her birth parents are terminated by the courts.

At a recent meeting, a county attorney observed that people like us used to be labeled "legal risk parents” to help judges understand that children placed in our homes were not guaranteed to be taken away from their birth parents and be adopted away, an impression which some had taken from that moniker “foster-to-adopt.” "Legal risk" means that, by law, we take the (very real) chance of welcoming a baby into our home only, after some period of time, to have her returned to birth parents who have proven their competency to the courts.

For obvious reasons, "foster-to-adopt" sounds much better for recruiting purposes than "legal risk." And yet, there's something profoundly right about the latter term. Parenting is a risky business. It is the constant, and often realized, risk of loving a person far more than that person will ever love you in return. It is the risk of a life of sacrifice without reward. To be the kind of parent whose children will not be removed by social services is to risk the loss of one's self, of one's identity, for the sake of one's children.

To be a parent is to be willing to lay down your life for your children, and, in the infinite sacrifices and concessions by which we surrender our individual identities and are forever labeled by them (and by those around us) as, finally and ultimately, their parent, is to actually lose that life. To be a parent (or at least to be a parent who barely approximates deserving to be called a parent) is to take up your cross and, in imitation of your Savior, to crucify self and have that choice overlooked and ignored. After all, only Joseph of Arimathea seemed to have noticed a burial was necessary.

To be a parent is to be at risk. To be a Christian parent is to take up one’s cross.